Unless you spent the last 6-8 hours under a rock on an undiscovered planet in a distant galaxy, you know that the entire worldwide web was in a frenzy over the impending divorce of Kobe & Vanessa Bryant. And just like anything else, the issue soon turned into a battle of the sexes. You had the men on one side offering explanations like, “No man can think straight when his d*** is hard.” or “Any woman who wants half is a gold digger.” To which the women quickly responded with, “Child please. She deserves every single penny.”
Well here’s my take.
First off, let me start by saying this is not a male vs. female issue for me. It’s about right vs. wrong. If Oprah decided tomorrow to marry Stedman, didn’t make him sign a pre-nup and then went out and had wild groupie sex with half of Chicago…”Oprah, say goodbye to half your money. Stedman, congratulations on being stupid filthy rich.” Period. Now, I know some of you will say, “Blake, how is that even justifiable? No one deserves half.” Perhaps you’re right, but bottom line…I don’t make the rules, I just follow them. If the law says that without a pre-nup the wronged party gets half, then so-f*ckin’-be it. Don’t like it? Write your congressman.
But let’s really break this issue down.
Definition of a Gold Digger
Last time I checked my ghetto handbook a gold digger was defined as a female who dates and/or marries a man for the SOLE purposes of making a come up. I’m talking pin pricks to the Magnum and a whole lot of homie hopping in order to land her own low-budget Warren Buffett. Nowhere in that definition does it say, “She met him in high school when he wasn’t [technically] worth a red penny & back when most people thought Kobe was nothing more than a cut of beef.” I know what you’re saying, “Blake, she saw the potential. She knew what she was doing.” Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. But let’s be clear…potential is just that—potential. It is in no way a guarantee. Mike Jones had potential and well…WHO?!
I don’t think anyone will argue with the fact that at some point Vanessa and Kobe were two teenage kids who genuinely loved each other. It just so happened that as fate would have it, one of them went on to become a basketball superstar worth millions of dollars. Which leads me to my next point…
No Pre-Nup? No Nookie!
Eve said it best, “Love is blind.” Love had Kobe so blind that he must have completely blacked out when his attorney was down on his hands and knees begging and pleading with him to make Vanessa sign a pre-nup…because you KNOW it happened. His mama told him. His coaches told him. His boys told him. Hell, I’m sure his 3rd grade teacher phoned in with a, “Did I teach you nothing about dollars and cents?!” But nooooo, no, no, no, no. Did Kobe listen? Of course not. He was in love. Fast forward 10 years and I gua.ran.tee you Kobe wishes to GOD he had listened. But the reality is…he didn’t. That being said, here’s how I see it. There is not a single piece of a** walking planet Earth that could convince me to risk half of my hard earned empire. You mean to tell me you would throw away MILLIONS of dollars for 10 minutes worth of “fun” & a visit to the clinic? ARE YOU FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME?! I guess it’s true what they say, men obviously don’t think with the head on their shoulders because no man with even half a brain could possibly do the math on that and still consider it a smart business move. Even if you don’t respect/love/give a damn about the person you’re with enough to keep it in your pants, at least have the good sense to do it for no other reason than to protect your money. Because if you’re dumb enough to risk it, I’m smart enough to take it. Period.
I’m sure Kobe had more than his fair share of NBA team owners taking him out to strip clubs, flying in women, even offering up their own wives…whatever it took to get him to sign on the dotted line. He knew the type of opportunities he would have at his disposal. If he didn’t think he could handle that, his choice was very clear…DON’T GET MARRIED!
Now let’s talk money…
Does she really deserve half? If you ask me, I say hell yes! Think about it. Remember that girl in high school who dated the star athlete? Everybody knew they were the “it” couple. They were voted most attractive and mostly likely to get married. That is until he cheated on her and the ENTIRE school knew about. The cafeteria staff were talking about it. The principle was even overheard expressing his shock and dismay. Keep in mind that this was before Facebook, before Twitter, before blogs, and back when “going viral” meant whatever you had wasn’t curable. The embarrassment that chick from high school felt doesn’t even compare to what Vanessa is likely experiencing right now. There is no saving face here. You just got played in front of the entire human species. Throw in the pain of childbirth, the resulting stretch marks, all the nights spent at home alone crying while some groupie was having a wild threesome with your husband and I’d say we’ve arrived at a figure that’s roughly about $45,890,670,349,603,490,560. 13. And since he doesn’t have that much…we’ll just settle at an even half. I won’t even get into the deeper issue of violating the sanctity of marriage.
I say all this to say, Kobe—and those like him (male and female)—made a poor decision both as a husband and a from a business standpoint. Therefore, if I were Vanessa I would not lose a single ounce of sleep over taking his a** to the cleaners. Some of y’all will still call me a gold digger, spiteful or worse, but to that I say…”Can’t talk right now…I’m counting my money.”
